Monday, 16 February 2015

Self-confidence and how to ignore insults

Hey guys!

So today I've decided to do a blog post on steps of becoming more confident in yourself and how to get past that hurtful dig that bitch made at you.

Confidence - Confidence is something that we all struggle with wether it's our wardrobe, our makeup, our weight of whatever, everyone wants to be perfect.

Clothes - Create a pinterest board.  For such a long time now I didn't know what my style was, which made me feel like I didn't know who I was and every time I went out I would think "is this me? Maybe?" At some point in the day I would decide that it wasn't and feel self-conscious for the rest of the day.  This is never fun, wearing an outfit that you hate is the worst.  This is why I created a pinterest board - I researched different styles and pinned them to get an idea of what I liked and what I didn't. It can help you be more specific and you can see lots of different styles and try them out without actually having to spend any money. It's brilliant! Since then I have discovered that I am not one thing or another I am divergent (lol). Mostly, my style is very classic - simple and basic items like pearls and white shirts with a tan leather bag and kitten heels and a floppy hat - you get the idea, but sometimes I like to add an element of grunge, e.g. Dungarees or a dark berry lipstick and sometimes I will be sweet: add a Peter Pan collar, a skater skirt or pink Chanel pumps.  I love to mix it up! Any of these things might not be you but try them out - if you decide you hate the look don't throw anything out, just wear it with something else and you might fall in love.

Another way to help a bad outfit is to wear it confidently. Sometimes it's not even a bad outfit, it's a good outfit, but it's bold and outrageous, not something you would usually wear. This is ok, it's good to try something new. Stand tall and straight with a big smile on your face, just act like normal. Slouching and worrying will draw attention to you and people will think something is wrong with how you look. No one probably even notice that you've tried something new - they're too wrapped up in themselves most of the time!

Makeup - Oh dear. Your eyeliner just won't go right. THEYRE NOT GOING EVEN! It's ok, don't stress, relax. That's it. Now get a cotton bud or a makeup wipe and start again. Don't try to fix it because it will most probably go even worse than it already was, choose a direction for the eyeliner to go and focus. If focusing doesn't work do the opposite, just do whatever the hell you want and it will look okay! If you don't have time to make it perfect, just remove the wings and get out of the house. What I always do at school if I know I'm not feeling confident about how I look I just don't look in the mirror. If I see a window, or glass or even an actual mirror I just walk past it and forget it. Trust me, it helps. You might not look any better but you will feel it. As soon as you get out of the house there is nothing you can do so stop worrying and get on with the day.

Perhaps you've worn a more exiting makeup look than usual! My favourite thing to do! As with clothes, you may not like everything but you need to try it out! I don't wear red lipstick because it washes out my face and makes me look five years old. I always get so jealous when I see girls who can pull off the red lip but I can't and that's ok. Don't try to force something that doesn't suit you, accept it and move on.  Something that does suit me is a berry lipstick - this always looks so nice on me! It's just trying different things out! 

Weight - 
If you are happy being slightly bigger than average then flaunt it girl - look at Meghan Trainer! She's hot and she's proud of her weight! Be proud of who you are and wear clothes that suit you! No one on this earth is perfect (except maybe Taylor Swift). Don't go on a diet unless your family supports it, unless your friends support it. If your family says it's not okay then it's not okay, but if they are helping you and supporting you it's the right thing to do. Scales are not the be all and end all - check your BMI. Your BMI should be from around 18-23. Any higher or lower than that and you've got a problem. You can be ten stone and still as flat as a pancake, it depends on your height and your bones. Do things that make you happy about your weight, doing small amounts of exercise, even if you're very thin, will always make you feel better. 
Anyone ever tell you that you're too skinny? Ignore them or eat them. Some people are naturally really really slim and some hate it. Don't say things like "oh you're so skinny, you're too skinny, most people would wish to be as skinny as you" because it's not nice. Skinny is a horrible word just like fat. Think about what you say and if it's going to hurt them. As for people who are naturally very slim, embrace it. Be proud of having a perfect flat stomach - it's gorgeous!  You are beautiful no matter what your size!
Confidence is what makes someone look beautiful,  wear a smile and the right clothes and your off!

General - 
If you like what you are wearing, wether it be a new lipstick or you've tried eyeliner for the first time or you're wearing a big fluffy coat,  don't worry about what people will think when they look at you. I always get so scared of seeing someone I know outside of school in case they judge me for what I'm wearing because I'm not afraid of being myself. I love wearing something that feels completely and utterly ME and no one else should be able to change that.  Be proud of being different to everyone else. I never ever follow trends just because everyone else is (rotten egg green thick coats with fluffy hoods - why?!?) .  Be yourself and just love it. There will always be someone prettier, thinner and always someone with "better" clothes but they will never ever be you.  If you're worried about no boy liking you? Don't. If a boy doesn't like you for being you then he isn't worth the trouble. 

Complimenting others always makes me feel really great. I don't know how this works but by telling someone else they are beautiful, I feel ten times better about myself.  Don't focus on how you look, focus on how you act. If you act like a kind person people will respect you and start to see a prettier you that heave never seen before. Tell your crush you like his school bag - go on, I dare you. It works the same with guys as it does with girls, getting complimented is nice and so is complimenting. Seeing someone smile and blush because you've told them they look pretty is the nicest feeling ever, having someone say thankyou to me is so nice. Be a better person and you will feel more confident in who you are.  People are so obsessed with how they look they forget that they are lovely and kind and smart.  Always focus on the positives. 

Maybe you just think you're ugly.  To someone out their, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. When you're in school all boys go for the same girl - gorgeous, slutty, slightly thick, thin and girly. This will change. As soon as you leave school, boys start to look for the girls who are different and have something that no one else has, for someone who will stick with them forever. This is the girl you need to be.  You will mature, sometimes I feel as if I look really childish but that's because I am 13. When I'm 18 I will be older and an adult and this is something you should always remember.

How to deal with things that hurt you
This is the worst. Having some bitch say some snide comment as you walk past in school or that cocky boy who things he's gods gift who always pushes past you or laughs at you. I get it all the time and having that has made me almost immune to it. Here are my tips to overcoming pain.

Laugh it off - just smile and nod. Say 'yup. I know I'm a crappy singer. I don't actually care, I love it." Never ever insult them back.  

Be nice - nothing will piss off a bully more than someone who is genuinely just really lovely. If you don't give them am excuse to hate you them why would they? Compliment them on their new bag or their eyeliner today. Trust me, it works wonders. 

Set them straight - say "you know that's a really horrible thing to say" "That hurt my feelings" "How would you feel if someone said that you" This will make them realise they're being horrible and hopefully change for the better.

Ignore it - When I say this I don't mean ignore them, this is NEVER the way. If they're insulting you don't pretend you can't hear, always respond (in the correct manner, see above) or they will think you are scared and then carry on. What I mean is to ignore the insult. I was told recently by one of my guy friends that my sunglasses were way too big for me and this actually really hurt my feelings, but the way that I overcame this was to think "so what? I like them! Why should it matter if someone else thinks they're too big for my face - I love them!" This is a good way to think positively and you know what? I believe it.  Perhaps he was right - maybe they are too big for me? Maybe I should stop wearing them? This is a personal judgement and it depends on the scenario and the person. Choose wisely.  
If someone who doesn't like you insults you, they are doing it because they don't like you. Period. You are not what they say and so push it to the back of your mind and laugh it off. Laugh at how stupid they are to think they can hurt you. Never change because someone tells you that you should.

Use a diary - I have a diary that I write my innermost thoughts in, my diary is quite depressing because I have no need to write happy things in there, I just enjoy them. I use my diary to express the things that are bothering me and I can't tell anyone else. I can tell my mum everything of course because she is my best friend, but if there is ever a time when I need some me time to rage and rant, I write in my diary. Writing down your emotions can help you discover what they are. Sometimes I get confused over what I feel but writing it down can help me realise. It can help with making decisions, self-confidence and life choices. Sorting it out into words can really clear your mind and put you at ease.

I really hope this helped! If there is anything more you would like to know, comment below. I will always help and never ignore a comment!

Some good quotes
"Never let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve what you want" - 10 things I hate about you
"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine" - Taylor Swift, Ours
"Some day I'll be living in a big old city and all your ever gonna be is mean" - Taylor Swift, Mean
"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them"

Ellie xox